Before I get going here, please realize that this is intended for comedic purposes, and in no way represents my actual views on terrorism, illegal activities, or our government.

Alright, now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk. The USA PATRIOT Act allows the government to monitor phone calls in order to help locate terrorists. Without getting into the logistics of said act, I have decided that I would implement a new practice into my everyday phone conversations. The plan is to wedge into these conversations, words or phrases which might set off red flags to anyone who might be listening. Note that this does not mean I will be talking about these things, but rather, they will be randomly inserted into unusual places.

An example conversation:

Me: Hey there! Good to hear from you!
Other Participant: Why thank you! You are so handsome!
Me: Well thank you for your kind words.
Other Participant: I only say what I observe.
Me: I enjoy making bombs in my spare time!
Other Participant: What?
Me: Nothing. So do you want to hang out?Conversation continues as though nothing happened.

Additional words or phrases to put into my conversations:

1. I play cards with Osama Bin Laden on the weekends.
2. Timothy McVeigh has nothing on what I have planned!
3. Weapons of mass destruction.
4. I enjoy killing in the name of Allah.

I think you all get the point. Experiment and have fun. Perhaps if more people did this kind of thing, the government would realize how much time they are wasting.