I was driving down the road the other night, and as I did I thought back to something that had happened earlier that day. It was something which was great. Some might even call it phenomenal. “That is so phenom!” I thought. Then it hit me like a bag of cement. That is possibly the most sexually ambiguous thing I had ever thought. I felt so dirty; so unclean. What was going through my mind that would make me think such an expression was acceptable? Phenom? Not to sound like a foul mouthed 5th grader, but that was the gayest word I had ever willingly thought.

The sad thing is that I am not the only one who stumbled on this loathsome word. AMD has as well, but rather than rejecting the word and repenting of the sin that was the thought, they embraced it, and decided that it would be a phenom idea to give that word to their new line of processors named Phenom. This is a new low. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the very first metro sexual company: AMD.

Just to help clarify and magnify just how awful of a name this truly is, I’ve made a list of other words or things which are similar in femininity.

• The word fierce. This is almost as awful as phenom. Just imagine me saying either with a lisp. You get the idea.
• Drag queens. These are odd ones, and perhaps I’m just bitter over the fact that all my friends tell me I could never make a good one.
• A Butterfly Heat Sink. I really cannot believe this product saw the light of day. It’s so cute and functional!
• Pink computer case lighting. Case lighting: good. Case lighting in this color: bad.
• A Hello Kitty keyboard. Hello Kitty. Goodbye dignity
• The Village People. It is NOT fun to stay at the YMCA.
• The Ageia Physx Processor. What could be better than spending money to lower your frame rate?

I think you get the point. What I’m trying to say here is that these things are just not masculine, and to tell you the truth, most nerds aren’t, but don’t damage your already dying testosterone levels by indulging in any of the mentioned tools of the effeminate trade. If you want to however, get yourself a Phenom processor in a case with pink lighting and an Ageai Physx processeor and use the Hello Kitty keyboard to interface with it all. While you work on the computer, make sure you blast The Village People and dress in your ‘night on the town as a woman’ clothes. You’ll complete the image better that way.

So you must be thinking by now, “Are you really judging this processor based off its name?” Yes. Yes I am.