Today was the first official mandatory drug test day at work! To me, this offered something out of the ordinary, and consequently made the interest level of the day rise significantly. To properly calculate this level of interest within a day, we can look to the equation: I=2^N when I equals interest and N equals the number of varied experiences within the day. Most days equate to a 2 on the interest level, but today offered a nice change in giving me a good ol’ 4.

As I prepared for the test, I consumed 16.8 ounces of water, which I referred to as the studying portion of the test. After that was complete, and I allowed some time for processing, I then proceeded to fill out the required waver forms, and finally found myself in the restroom where I was greeted by the nurse handling the company urine samples. She handed me a sample cup, directed that I visit one of the nearby stalls, to fill the cup to a line marked on the cup, and to bring the sample back without flushing. Not too difficult for most, however I am sorry and ashamed to note that I am afflicted with paruresis, the inability to urinate while actual or imagined persons are present. The person present at this particular time was in fact an actual person, and I found myself struggling to produce an adequate amount of ‘sample’. After about 5 minutes, I was about halfway to the line marked on the cup. At that point it was clear to me, that that was it. I could not give any more. I sheepishly left the stall and brought the result of my efforts to the nurse, and explained that it was all I could do. Thankfully it was enough, but darn it! It was sad. I nearly failed the taking of the test.