Jack Thompson is at it again folks. The following open letter, sent to none other than Bill Gates himself, may shock and disturb you. Viewer’s discretion is advised.

Bill Gates

Microsoft Corporation

Redmond, Washington

Re: Halo 3

Dear Mr. Gates:

As you know, the Federal Trade Commission has repeatedly found that games rated “Mature” by the video game industry-captured Entertainment Software Rating Board are routinely sold to kids under the age of 17 despite the age rating. The most recent failure rate of the ratings on “Mature” games, according to the FTC, is 42%. The entire rating system is a fraud, and “broken,” the latter description aptly provided by Senator Hillary Clinton.

As you also know, Lee Boyd Malvo trained on Microsoft’s Halo to further enable him to become the remarkably efficient “DC Beltway Sniper.” That was reported by NBC News at the time and was noted in Malvo’s criminal trial.

You appeared on CBS’ 60 Minutes II and rather revealing and usefully noted that “the cool thing about these games is that they transport you to a world you think is real.” Precisely. Capcom has recently disclosed to investors that your video game industry’s violent games, sold to children, pose a real hazard to the health of the industry. Right on.

The hyperviolent Microsoft Xbox 360 game Halo 3 is scheduled by your company for commercial release in September of this year. The Beta version that was released last week shows us all just how violent the game is and how inappropriate it is for play by anyone under 17, as the “Mature” rating it will surely receive indicates.

Here’s the deal, Mr. Gates: Either Microsoft undertakes dramatic, real steps, through its marketing, wholesale, and retail operations to assure that Halo 3 is not sold, via the Internet and in stores, directly to anyone under 17, or I shall proceed to make sure that Microsoft is held to that standard by appropriate legal means. I have done that before successfully as to Best Buy, and I shall do so again as to Microsoft and all retailers of Halo 3.

Regards, Jack Thompson

Anyone care to point out the glaring flaw in Jack’s argument? Although I have personally purchased games rated ‘Mature’ while underage, and agree that this is a frequent occurrence despite there being supposed laws to prevent this, I cannot imagine how our near and dear friend Jack came to the oh so wise conclusion that Microsoft has any way to regulate this. I doubt Jack has anything to worry about. Microsoft never will and never has sold an M rated game to a minor. Microsoft sells to retailers, not consumers. Good one Jack. Who are you going to sue next? If you hate Jack as much as I and most gamers do, you may be interested in Think Geek’s T-Shirt declaring your feelings to all those you grace with your presence.

On another distant and less upsetting note, this week I finished the final chapter of Dead Rising, and felt the need to sort out my thoughts on the story where anyone interested had the freedom to indulge. Just as every other zombie related movie or video game, the reason for these former living things to become flesh eating cuddle bugs is a parasite. This particular story involves a South American experiment trying to harvest more beef from cattle, and for reasons unexplained, this somehow turned into a parasite making their hosts become undead. All this is fine. Sure. Whatever. Any cause for there being a zombie infestation is wonderful, as long as there are zombies to take my mind off the awful reason. The one part of the story that really got me, was when confronting the person responsible for brining this plague to the game’s setting, he begins criticizing Americans, in that we only think about stuffing our faces, and not the consequences. Wait. Put the breaks on. Is this game preaching to me? This game actually had the guts to blame the deaths of tens of thousands or more persons, on America’s eating habits? Wow. That is so out there and awesome, I can’t possibly muster up enough anger to even argue. Fine. I have a deadly problem. I like beef too much! If this were truly the case, I would eat so much more! After playing this awesome games, my friend and I decided that we would polish off the zombie experience with the new Dawn of the Dead film. After about 20 minutes, the inspiration for Dead Rising became unmistakably clear. The setting and many central themes from this game were from this movie. It was almost as though the designers had a movie night with Dawn of the Dead, and thought it would make a good game, and guess what? It did.